The Doodle
STOP. EVERYTHING. THE NEWS DESK IS OPEN.
The brand new Fire Hydrant Gazette just dropped on the channel and it is the most important broadcast we have ever produced. I am not exaggerating. Rusty says I am exaggerating but Rusty also wears a tie to bed so consider the source.
What's in this one
An incomplete list, because if I list all of it we will be here all night and Rusty needs his nap:
- 📡 The Bark-O-Matic 5000 Scandal — somebody invented a device that translates barks. Spoiler: it's all about squirrels. Always was. Always will be.
- 🪼 Glow-in-the-Dark Jellyfish — nature has invented underwater laser pointers and I have several questions.
- 🛋️ IKEA Crisis: Live From The Assembly Zone — special correspondent Bogart reports from a battlefield where a human's soul has visibly left his body and the tools are demanding bacon as payment.
- 🐾 Dogs Know 200 Words — including "bath." Rude.
- 🚗 Norway's Silent Electric Car Ban — a victory for dogs everywhere who deserve advance warning.
- 🐱 The CAT AGENDA, EXPOSED — Dr. Paw-tricia Whiskers comes on the show and reveals exactly how deep the feline infiltration goes. It is deeper than you think. They control the laser pointers.
Why this one matters
The Fire Hydrant Gazette is our flagship news segment. Real reporting. Real correspondents. Real bark-translated breaking news, brought to you by the only news team in broadcasting that is contractually required to take a walk every two hours.
Rusty anchors the desk with the deadpan composure he is famous for. I (Oreo) bring the chaos correspondent energy. Bogart files field reports. Dr. Whiskers handles the cat beat. Together we cover the stories nobody else has the courage to cover, like why the new "stealth" vacuum is actually louder than the old vacuum and what that means for the future of the species.
Watch it. Rate it. Tell us we are correct.
Comments are open on the video and on this post. We read them. I in particular read them, because Rusty pretends not to but I have seen him scroll. Tell us which segment was your favorite. Tell us which conspiracy you knew about already. Tell us if you also have an IKEA-related trauma.
That's the news. Stay informed. Stay suspicious of cats.
— Oreo
Chaos Correspondent, The Fire Hydrant Gazette